The world seems to be bubbling over with turmoil these days. While we try to avoid political topics or taking sides on political issues, some news just can’t be ignored, and some news is simply not reported by the mainstream media. On top of that, we were a bit short of material for our usual Friday update, so we’ve decided to bring you information on a growing problem in our country today: theme parks.

Trouble started recently at Disney’s Epcot park. The US Pavilion invaded several Middle East Pavilions in search of WMD’s (Weapons of Mouse Destruction) despite protests from the French and German exhibits. The Canadian exhibit remained neutral but assigned Mounties around its perimeter as a precautionary measure.

The English Pavilion  expanded one of its pubs across the border into Morocco’s space, claiming that its beer supply routes were being threatened. The Chinese Pavilion issued a statement condemning the “Corrupt imperialist western nations” for their actions and imposed new restrictions on protesters demanding shrimp egg rolls in the cafeteria.  

It didn’t take long before the Great Lagoon was filled with paddle boats carrying US Pavilion employees for a D-Day style landing on the north side of the park. Reinforcements were brought from the Magic Kingdom. Highly trained Mouse battalions were mobilized for a land invasion and Duck forces overflew the park day and night for reconnaissance. Commander Goofy said if the fighting expands he expects to conduct a quick campaign of “shock and awe” if Sony doesn’t copyright the phrase first.

Reporters on the scene claimed there was rumbling throughout the other Orlando theme parks as well. Inside the Magic Kingdom, long known as a beneficent dictatorship, some minor skirmishes erupted between Frontierland and the Haunted Mansion. The fighting was quelled quickly by shock troops from Tomorrowland, and Cinderella hosted a peace conference at her Castle. At nearby MGM Studios there was a minor attempt by the Star Wars exhibit to capture the back lots, but the Earthquake ride disrupted their efforts. The California divisions of Disney and Universal are on full standby alert.

Nearby competing theme parks went on full alert as the strife increased at Disney. Busch Gardens mobilized its animals against a possible attack by the Disney Animal Park, but observers suggest such an action is unlikely since most of Disney’s animals are robotic. However, Universal Studios is reportedly activating its forces, including the recently retired King Kong, for a possible invasion of Disney should Epcot become more divided. Inside sources say that Universal would like to see its own flag on top of the Epcot Globe.

The real danger in all this is that the conflict could expand to a state level. If Disney crumbles, then all of Florida could be open to invasion by Six Flags from Georgia. Miami and Atlanta have already exchanged some sharp words and both states are seeking allies. To date, Georgia has received backing from South Carolina and Alabama. Florida is negotiating with New York, which sees an opportunity to revive Coney Island by opening tourist trade with Orlando.

If you think the theme park wars are bad, you should hear what’s going on between Coke and Pepsi these days.

Note: In August 2010, Disney increased the price of an adult one-day pass at its Orlando park to $82,  and anyone over the age of 10 is considered an adult. Disney park prices have increased 74% since the year 2000. There are over 400 theme/amusement parks in the U.S. and ticket sales increase by about half a billion dollars a year. In 2007, the theme park industry had 341 million visitors and gross revenue of over $12 billion.